So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
