Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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