but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
