I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
