Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
