Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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