I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
BRING THE BAGELS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
