Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
