i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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