angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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