Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
