Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
