The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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