So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
