are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
