I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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