porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
