all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
