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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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