Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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