I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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