bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
