My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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