Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me

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(303): View more from Colorado

I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..

(614): View more from Ohio

ya and it worked didnt it??

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(760): View more from California

I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog

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(480): View more from Arizona

There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed

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(310): View more from California

one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.

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(361): View more from Texas

Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?

(830): View more from Texas

It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.

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