so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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