Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I will be naked everywhere
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
