you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
