Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
