Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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