I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
