census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
