I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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