My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
