dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
