i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
