Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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