she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
