I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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