oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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