Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What a dumb baby whore.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
