no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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