oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
