Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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