he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
