every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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