I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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