My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
