Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
