Dude my mom stole all your condoms
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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