You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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