You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
