The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
